The Bad Online Date That Really Happened

In honor of the holiday season, I offer a lighthearted comic interlude for all you singles
and looking – an oldie but goodie extracted from an online outing in which I partook
several years ago.

Disclaimer: His profile appeared normal. No red flags were detected.

We met downtown one evening at a coffee shop. He couldn’t find the coffee shop, even
though I gave him the exact cross streets, but a number of texts and phone calls later he
overcame his spatial incompetence to meet me.

“I forgot my wallet,” were his first words. Unwilling to wait another twenty minutes
while he got lost trying to find his way back to his car, I offered to pay for his tea.

Approximately 47 seconds into the date, he got down to business. “To which political
party do you belong”
he asked.

“I’m a Democrat,” I answered cautiously, as I tend to adhere to the guidelines I’ve created for myself (but you can use them to) about avoiding the three P’ s on a first date: Politics,
pressure, and primates (going to the zoo on a first date is never as fun as it sounds).

From the moment the “D” word left my lips, I was subjected to a diatribe the likes of
which I’ve no words to accurately describe. As one who specializes in the fine art of
communication in my career, I initially felt confident I could sway the conversation
toward more neutral territory with a few subtle topic transition phrases and perhaps a
nonverbal cue or two. (Averting your eyes and tapping your fingers on the table can
subconsciously signal disinterest and lack of engagement to your conversational partner.)

Forty-five minutes later, it turns out my career skills were no match for his fired up
political passions, and while I had long since stopped responding or commenting, I had
taken an interest in counting the number of times I heard him say “Taxes are evil.”

At minute forty-six he paused to take a breath, and I seized my opportunity to take a
deliberate look at my wrist and exclaim, “Wow, it’ s late! I better be going!”

Momentarily deterred, he paused long enough to look at my wrist and detect that I wasn’t
actually wearing a watch. He looked at his. “But it’ s only 7:30,” he protested.

By 7:33 I was in the car, driving away and making a mental note to buy a watch to reduce
the transparency of my getaway tactic.

The icing on top of the cake? He emailed the next day and asked me if I’d like to
hang out again. I set aside my normal timidity and had no problem replying with
an “Absolutely not.”

So fear not, men and women of the online dating scene – nobody is exempt from the
occasionally disastrous date. Comment below to share your own funny online date story!

Comments

  1. ha! good one.

    My worst was a guy who just couldn’t stop talking about a mutual aquaintance; every time I thought the conversation had turned away, he brought it back (I eventually stopped trying & just went with it)…really, I was ready to tell him he should just ask this person for a date instead (the mutual aquaintance is male, so…)

    OK, maybe the guy who’s beater car wouldn’t start & the entire “date” ended up being trying (rather ungracefully) to find a solution was up there too…

  2. Muhahahaha. I think I know what was going on in this guy’s mind. Some men think that they can impress women by being opinionated. So they go on and on about their beliefs and how much smarter than you and the rest of the population.

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