How To Approach Someone On An Online Dating Site

One of the great things about online dating is that it is much easier to approach people as there is no chance of a drink being thrown in your face, or the mortification of being rejected in public. The worst thing that can happen if you contact someone online is that you are ignored which can be easily brushed off.

Some people (especially women) sit at the computer simply waiting for men to message them, however I think that with so little to lose and so much to gain, if you find someone’s profile attractive then take the plunge and see if you are in with a chance! Like in the real world however, you must approach people in the right way. Sleazy one liners or confusing jokes don’t normally work at a bar so why would they work online?

Most of the online dating sites give you a number of options of communication to choose from. for example lets you send messages, call or send a wink. Although you can opt for the teenage style images, winks or nudges, I think that if you really want to start getting to know someone, then an email is a great way of grabbing their attention. You can include enough information about yourself, ask the appropriate questions and add in some of your personality. Another reason why I think that email or private messages are a great option, is that unlike instant chat messaging you can have the time to think before you write.

Look through the person’s profile and mention interests that you both share to create an instant familiarity between you. Keep it chatty and light hearted, ‘I see that you like going to art galleries, I just went to a great David Hockney exhibition’. If you are looking for a real relationship, then steer well clear from making any sexual references. This will instantly give the wrong impression. It is obvious that you like their physical appearance because otherwise you would not be speaking to them – there is no need to tell them in writing straight away.

Another point that is pretty important when trying to give off a good image of yourself is your grammar and spelling. Your writing is the only way that you can communicate at first, so the last thing you want is for the person to think that you can’t even be bothered to click on the spell check. Don’t use too many abbreviations or slang words as you don’t yet know what they will understand.

Make sure to ask plenty of questions (without giving them the 3rd degree) as no one wants to read a long email about the interests of someone that they don’t even know. Avoid asking about anything too personal such as divorce or kids as if you receive a response you can discuss these topics later. Keep it short and sweet, hope for the best and remember that if you don’t receive a response then there are plenty more daters in the sea!


  1. Also: make it funny! So many profiles and first messages are not. So many women say they want a guy with a sense of humor, but their messages to women are so boring. Make her laugh!

Speak Your Mind