How To Filter Your Online Dating Prospects

Dear Kinley,

I have been on for like 2 months now. What the heck is up with me only
getting men from India or “separated” men. gggrrrrr… any suggestions?

Single, Semi-attractive, Funny, Level-headed Woman in Portland, OR

Dear SSAFLHW in Portland, OR,

I did a bit of research and it appears that while on some sites you can change your message settings to filter out men in other countries or men who are separated, on you can only block specific members from contacting you.

Therefore, once the man in India and the separated man have already contacted you, you can prevent further contact by putting their profile names on your block list. There are two ways to block these users. One, you can click directly on their profile and select the option on the right “Block from contact.” Or, when you’re on the home page, you can click on “account,” and then choose the “blocking” option, and enter a username from there.

If you’re wanting a site that allows you more broad filtering capabilities, here are a couple of other options:

1) – sends you a warning alert when an email message comes from somebody who does not meet your specified criteria, such as when someone is still married or a drug user.

2) – you can restrict mail from users who are married, who smoke, who are looking only for somebody to hang out with, among several other criteria, simply by selecting appropriate boxes.

If any of you are members of other dating sites that have good filtering and blocking options, please comment and let SSAFLHW and I know.

There are also sites that profess to be created for the more serious member; the people like you and me who are looking for long-term committed relationships. Some of these sites include eHarmony,, and

Some of these sites require you to confirm that you are NOT still married before joining, weeding out the separated but not yet divorced folks. However, you’ll find other drawbacks on these sites, including higher membership fees and fewer members in your geographical area or who pique your interest.

Finally, you may want to add a line to the end of your About me section with a simple but clear statement about your wish to exclude still-marrieds:

“I am not interested in receiving email from anybody who is separated but not yet divorced – thank you for respecting my wishes!”

I know it’s strange to attach a statement that seems intuitive to so many of us, but who knows, perhaps it will diminish these unwanted emails.

If anybody reading this is wondering why SSAFLHW and I are not interested in meeting up with people who are separated but still married, please stop back in for a visit soon, and I can share some of the reasoning behind this philosophy.

Good luck SSAFLHW in Portland, OR!

Speak Your Mind