Not Interested? Not Interested in Hearing About It.

You’ll find that offers you the option of sending an automated “No thank you” to an interested wink-er. “Not interested?” it asks when it sends you an email notification that you’re the recipient of a wink.

“Give Dork43920 [not a real user name that I know of – apologies if this happens to be your user name] the courtesy of knowing you’re not interested. Say ‘No Thanks.’”

If you detonate the ‘No Thanks’ button, the wink sender will receive an impersonal insult courtesy of with an encouraging little pat on the back as an afterthought, and I’ve paraphrased the spirit of the message thusly:

“Picky02934 isn’t interested, Dork43920. But don’t fret: by golly, get out there and wink some more. Somebody will like you.”

Courtesy? Allow me to set the record straight – I do not need your courteous rejection. I received one of these formal rejections once, and I was devastated for almost four whole minutes. (Ironically, the guy winked at me just two months later on OkCupid – a wink I eagerly rejected out of residual spite.) Were he not to have ordered to send me a prewritten rejection, I probably would have entirely forgotten I’d winked at him to begin with.

Had I not forgotten, my mind could have created one of any number of plausible explanations for his lack of response, such as his having been hit by a bus, or run over by a giant antelope. And I’d much rather presume antelope attack than receive an automated rejection from

So today’s online dating tip is that if you’re not interested in a person after receiving his or her email or wink, either don’t respond at all, or send a friendly “Thanks but I’m not interested!” email personally. Using as your rejection intermediary is basically akin to telling your best friend to tell her brother that your classmate’s sister doesn’t want to date him anymore, like we did back in junior high before we developed strong communication skills and an emotionally mature brain. And if you’re online dating, hopefully you’re not still in junior high.

So for the sake of the emotional well-being of all members of the online dating community, please consider today’s tip to forgo automated rejections in favor of polite “No thank you” emails or at least the kinder, gentler rejection of tacit silence. We’ll get your gist.


  1. Woah. The automated message *does* seem condescending and insulting indeed!

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